8.31.2009

Pixie Strikes Back- Why It's a BAD IDEA

http://comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=22732

Yay Toronto Comic Con! 'Cause you're Canadian!

ANyway, istead of me giving a detailed analysis on why this idea sucks, just click, read, and let the facepalming and head-banging commence!

8.28.2009

Dear Matt Fraction: Originality- $29.95 Plotting- $42.50 A good story- Priceless. All three are avilable at your local Superstore

Well, like all the other weeks, we're reviewing Utopia. There were barely any entries this week, but hey, this isn't the Phoenix Force's Twitter. It won't be telepathically updated every nanosecond. Please Jean, make me proud and get a life.

Or, join me in banging my head against the wall (cosmic ones work, too; we don't discriminate) at Matt Fraction's latest piece of...well, I'm above insulting the good name of literature.

Honestly, I have no idea what happened between Utopia #1 and this mess. Yes, the previous issues were slow, but slow didn't mean horrible. Veering on mediocre, okay, but they weren't bad. Or, at least, not this bad.

First off, I'm skipping over what happened in the previews. It's some pretty boring stuff nothing particularly worth mentioning.

A little after that, though, we've got this scene of Weapon Omega (obviously Captain Underpants was handing out codenames that day)
absorbing some sort of energy from Dark Beast torturing Hank-Beast.
Usually, I wouldn't have a problem with such a scene. It's necessary for the story. Read and move on. But....

What is this, Sebastian Shaw's college sex tape? Fraction has a chance to do something cute or funny with the dialogue here, something to show just how off the deep end DB and Omega are, but he passes up the chance for a bunch of hisses and passes that sound like they belong in a bad fanfiction. Ugh.


If you've been following along with Utopia (or at least this blog's reviews)
Then you probably remember Perv! Scott's plan to get Mindee/Irma/Cuckoo #3 (now I sound like a bad fanfiction) arrested. Why? More appropriately, Why Else?
I'm somewhat proud of what's-her-name here. Before we proceed with the review, let's just say those are the most original lines of the issue.

Okay, um, where are we....ah, here. The grand conclusion of Emma Frost's job as a playground supervisor.


The lesson? Corporal Punishment always wins. Especially if you're coffee deprived and weigh over four hundred pounds in diamond.


Of Course she did, you friggin' rip-off. Emma was actually very true to character there. Shame the only times that happens involve four words and a grunt-y thing.

Um, actually, she's kind of okay on the next page. There's even a tiny reference to "Runaways" for Cloak and Dagger, who have been the most vocal members of the team.

Wanna know a secret about Emma? She's not evil. Never was. I hate having my intelligence insulted like this.

So she was working on the inside? Yup, congrats on learning how to read.
What I don't understand is why. There really wasn't a reason to have her there. Considering what Scott ended up doing, it wasn't necessary to have public approval of anybody at all. Speaking of which, Scott Summers sure isn't getting my valuable mutant vote.
Scott, you're the lamest leader ever. You don't just throw in the towel like that. You stand and deliver. You earn our trust and approval. You show mutants all over the world there is a chance, there is some hope. Of course, you've failed at all of the above, so, uh...where'd you guys move again? I'm thinking I'll send a card or...a pie, something.

Ah, yes, another giant island separatist nation. I'm just gonna say one thing, Scotty. Genosha. It worked so well, I guess you should've cashed in on your own giant island earlier. Before the nukes, I mean.

But hey, the death toll can only go up to about 200, right? Safer than Mexico. Plus, I'm sure that the producers of Wolverine and the X-Men love the free ad for animated Genosha (Greg Land is not a ROLE MODEL you mutie freak).

THIS IS SO BAD

Ahem, okay. So after that raining storm of predictability, well, the issue is over. We finish with a little half page where Iron Patriot asks Daken and Hawkeye (Bullseye?)do do something very important...

Yes, he's sending two psychopaths to go grab him a can of tuna and a wedding ring. Scratch what I said about fraction passing up a chance for some nice dialogue. It's quite an improvement when people keep their mouths shut.

Art-wise, the book is solid. The art's not bad, but it's not good, either. There's little inconsistencies and small parts that just look wrong, but I can live with that. It isn't Land. My eyes aren't bleeding, so it's okay.

Overall, the issue made me feel like I was reading a Fairy Tale by a below-average middle schooler. Nothing happened that you couldn't see coming from a mile away. The dialogue is...***facepalms*** and the important parts of the plot Fraction set up in Utopia #1 are completely abandoned. The folder, Mystique, Scott vs. Emma...on their way to the Marvel Universe "Plot Devices for 2014" bin.

Bottom line, it was horrible. Not worth $3.99, not even worth the 50 cents of the old days. Bad Bad Bad. Get Fraction off this book now, and put him back on the indie circuit, where his stuff was good and he didn't look so stupid.

8.20.2009

Something must be wrong with me.

Cause here's another fanart post, this time inspired by X-Babies. Only...He's not exactly a baby anymore. Yeah. I need a life.

8.18.2009

another Fanart Post!

It literayy has been forever since I did one of these, so there ya go. It's Emma Frost, With much more interesting coloring and yet another HOLY!SLUT outfit.
Also, grey paper, because between orange and yellow, that's all we have.

8.17.2009

All is now right with the World.

Or it will be, when I get my hands on this.
That there is awesomeness unrivalled, folks. And I don't know where to get it. DAMN!

8.15.2009

Emma Frost really hearts her new job. Oh, and welcome to Spice World, please leave your passes at the door.

****NOTE-the scans are crap. Click on them for a bigger, legible, version.***

Welcome to Chibistomb's UTOPIA PART FOUR REVEIW! YAY! WE KNOW NOTHING ELSE GETE REVEIWED! WHHHHHOOOO!

Ever Since Birds of Prey Died, Uncanny is my default Yay book. Deal with it, please.

Anyway, on to the reveiw. Uncanny #514 is a fairly so-so issue. It take the story where you wholly expect it to go, has good, not Land, not phenomenal artwork, and the same level of characterization and dialouge. In those terms, it's nothing special.

What is special though, is Matt Fraction's attempts to make it so, which rate so high on the fail-meter you actually do laugh.

A majority of the issue...is um...well...okay, so you know how some stuff sounds good in your head but not in real life? Um....from now on that will be reffered to as "Uncanny 514".
First of all, it you do not get the following joke, please wikipedia "Stepford Cuckoos" and come back. Oh, and as a side note, the Spice Girls movie was on last night.
Scott Summers proves he is a pig on the next page. It's not enough to be in
bed with thier semi-mother, he has to have the kids too.
We both know who's gonna end up arrested here, Cyke.
For you regular Chibistomb Readers, Emma Frost does not dissapoint and continiues with her playground Supervisor Routine. Only LEVEL UP!
She now has a bunch of playground supervisor lackey/sidekicks!
+300 Scott Pilgrim experience Points for Bullseye's "You Serious?"
Meanwhile, Scott is prepping his squads up at HQ, HQ in San Fransisco, where it's um...snowing.
No, Pixie, the crazy army of Canadian Beavers we sold to Norman Osborn brought their snow, and are chewing through your foundations as we speak.
If you haven't had enough yet, Fraction just had his New X-Men Omnibus Edition ship in. he's been reading it all day. It shows.
If you do not get that joke, you have obviously never heard of Emma Frost. Please google "Emma Frost's Quotes". After which, we can agree that Greg Land just like to pay homage to over twelve pornstars.
This scan actually isn't from one of those romantic girl-meets-bad boy forbidden love indies (who reads those? :))
It's Cloak and Dagger, Talking about how they're in this (the war, dammit, not the subspace cloak) to the end. Yes. That's what was said. It's bad enough you have to be in the man's chest, Dagger, but we know it's not your fault you both suddenly remind me of the latest mud Disney is trying to call a movie.
So no, Matt Fraction, you don't get a gold star. But you are perfectly welcome to a shiny green or blue one. Emma wanted all the silver ones for her sidekicks, and I don't call people pervs on the internet, so red is off the table.
Or you can just leave it alone and just be happy you now have a tag, just like Micheal O'Hare, Gail Simone, Nicola Scott, and Tony Bedard.

8.11.2009

Top Five August 10-14 Short and Sweet.

Yeah, this is easily the most...let's say regular part of this blog. I should add more, huh?

LOCKJAW AND THE PET AVENGERS # 4

Another Obama Appearance! Of Sorts!
THE MARVELS PROJECT # 1

Continuity is failingly untangled! Again!
Robin:Search For A Hero

Teenage Angst! With 10% More EMO HAIR!


THE LAVA IS A FLOOR! HC

Where the wild things are! A Zillion Times cooler!

UNCANNY X-MEN # 514

Utopia Part I Forget!Advance reveiw and preveiw

8.10.2009

Um, so we had a bad summer?

Yes guys, unfortunately, summer is ending, and soon this blog will be overrun with crap!it's snow posts and crap!it's school posts, most likely in that order.

So while I dig up those Misfit's first day of school scans to celebrate (just like Canadians celebrate Snow) back to school time, I'd like to ask, who remembers doing those "What I Did This Summer" essays?

You know, the ones with "This summer I got stuck on an elevator with some blind guy and his totally vicious dog" and "This summer my tent got taken over by yellow jackets".

Or, it you wanted to get real creative, you could have started with "How I Survived"

Like Emma Frost has.





I hate adding images on blogger. this stupid too much space always happens.




























8.06.2009

Hot cover Post- Wolverine First Class TPB and Final Crisis Aftermath #4


Okay, so first off, we've got the trade cover for Wolverine First Class- Ninjas, Gods, and Divas. Which of course, can only mean one thing.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
Uh....Betsy....ummmmmm
STUPID EDITORIAL OFFICE!
We...uh....
SAY ONE MORE THING AND YOUR BRAIN WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY TENTACLES!
Does that mean...
PERV!
Several really hot tentacle-y ninja censored butt-crack moments later...
Thor is so not hot anymore.
Yeah, this I'd wanna hear. (beer can opens)
I mean, look at him.
Kitty, there's this thing with my healing factor. I can't grow my eyes back.
Ugggh, you are such a guy.
Does that mean I get more straight points than Summers.
No! Wait, we think he's gay?
I need another beer.
One Trip to the X-Cooler later-
So, what were we talking about?
THOR HAS BOOBS!
WHAT!?
I was telling you, okay look at this, Thor has like, four boobs. Even the Shi'ar aren't that....um....well they're aliens and they don't have four boobs!
Yeah, I'd ask Chuck that, kid.
EWWWWW!Perv!
Okay, okay, lemme see it. This'll go over great at the next Avengers meeting.
Man, he's got a giant hammer. A giant hammer really high up. Wow, you look happy, Wolverine.
His thighs are a little curvy....
WHAT!?!?!
You've been watching way too much MTV!
And Scott gets all your straight points.
Oh yeah, this all happens in AU, where Kitty's still A-L-I-V-E.

The Hopeless Jean Grey Experiment this Blog has become.

Well, it seems the blog's died again. Crap, so I'm gonna have to drive through the soggy Bran-Flakes streets of this city, past the TREE in half the cars on the street, and go to the Cheap Plot Device shop.

Twenty-three minuites, fifty bucks, and one "Pointless Ressurection that will in no doubt be forgotten and written over in two years", Chibistomb is back!

HI!

Maybe I'm stretching the truth a bit with the Cheap Plot Device Shop (although the exodus of comics writers to Calgary wouldn't hurt our tourism ratings), but I am NOT lying about the weather. Last week, I came back from a camping trip and lazed around for a couple days, woke up in the middle of the night while the entire country was in the middle of one of those "WHOTHEHELLSTOLEMYCOFFEE!!" Storm rants. It was freaking awsome. But oh, yeah, some tree got blown over into a guys car. Also, power lines down and such. But it's August and we look like a bad Muir Island establishing shot. Not even a single ray of sunshine. All we need now is a bunch of guys in kilts with their kids in those tall rain boots to make Canada the most northern territory of Scotland. Oh, wait. *sigh*

Ah well, at least the comics shop didn't get rained in. Unlike certain things. Read-The Basement.

If this keeps up, chibistomb will have more not-really-deaths than Jean Grey.....but still no money for them.

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